Section 8 Staying With the Reality of Group Members' Experiences

As people share with the group, differences in experience emerge.

In sharing differences and recognising similarities, space is created together.

When people share experiences about the relationships they are part of, their own lives are enriched.

The rule of not interrupting while others speak is important. It gives people space.

When people ask questions in the group, it is important that the facilitator first invites them to say more about their own question.

To do so keeps the personal involvement in the questions of the person asking them; it cuts any rivalrous intent on the part of the questioner; and it prevents the question spinning around the group, making people uncertain whether they need to answer it or not.

It is important that the facilitator has an open manner.

For example “Could you tell me something about your question” is different from “I would like you to tell us something”. To say the latter is asking two questions of the other person. Firstly, the person has to consider whether they would like to do what the facilitator says and secondly, only then, consider what they wish to say.

In this example people are brought into rivalry and, in the meantime, everything changes. What they were going to say originally may be lost and, if the person does decide to speak eventually, the nuances in the original question are possibly missed. If not, the person is shut up with their thoughts, those of the facilitator and the fact that they did not wish what the facilitator wished.

Framing invitations that assist the meeting

In such ways each group member seeks their own way to understand different situations and choose their own responses. In such collaborative ways the experience of the group grows. People may experience space opening up for them, and others, in the meeting. By modelling such experiences in a group the confidence of group members in other situations may multiply.

The reflective materials are created around the themes of giving people time to:

• Find Their Voice - to connect with experiences of the theme being explored in their own lives,
• Explore the Reasons they acted in particular ways, and
• Exercise their Choice about whether they wish to continue in the established ways or make a new choice.

Giving group members space to explore the choices open to them.

The Facilitator supports group members through a gradual process of:

Find Your Voice

This is about giving time and space for each person:

• To root their experience in, and reflect continually on, real life situations in their past and present life, which are associated with this theme.
• To recall whether and how, if at all, these different models of relationships have been present in their lives?
• To find their voice and express any other connections they make to the theme.

Through these reflections, consider how their experiences of these dynamics influenced them then, and whether they continue to influence them now?

Examine Your Reason

This is about supporting participants examine the diversity of reasons that may have influenced them to act in these different ways.

Step One: Thinking back, invite the group members to examine some of the reasons that may have influenced them take the decisions and directions they have taken in life to date?

Step Two: Examine whether there have been, or currently are, good reasons to continue to act in this way?

Step Three: Consider whether these reasons help or hinder the group member now, and examine whether they have good reason to make a change or not?

Exercise Your Choice

This involves the facilitator inviting group members:

• To look at whether the above reasons still have meaning for them?
• To look at whether they wish to continue in these ways or make a change?
• To explore what costs and benefits, if any, would be associated with making this choice?

Giving space to the group members to make their choice.

Giving each person the personal space for reflective learning, or supporting people share their thoughts in a group, are approaches to affirm each person in the choices they make.

In supporting different people speak together the “Nurturing Hope” approach is supportive of people from different backgrounds meeting together, having robust and, hopefully surprising discussions, and experiencing how they can enable all to be more at ease with difference.

When such meetings happen as part of the life of a group or organisation, they build more experiences of inclusion, knitting diverse people together in support of the common good, and strengthening civil society.